GOTTEX

FASHION WEEK SPRING '09

By DANICA LO

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September 8, 2008 —

On Monday night, the ever-entertaining Gottex show (who doesn't like models in bathing suits?) offered up a parade of elaborate, impractical swimwear ensembles to a packed house. The pieces might as well have been dry-clean-only. These simply aren't suits made for swimming; some were turtlenecked, others high-waisted, while others would surely yield bizarre tan lines.

The show opened with a collection of nautical (genius theme, no? Water? Nautical?) black and gold anchor-emblazoned one-pieces and bikinis - the models' hats were bigger than their outfits. Next came the hot-pink, nude-fabric faux-cutout panels, followed by the mock turtleneck pique swim-dresses in Lacostian technicolors - all belted. The chartreuse and gold swimsuits were enough of a statement on their own; who knows why the stylist added coordinating neon sleeves with chiffon wings/trains. For effect?

Click here for photos .

The strongest suit, hands down, was the sunburst orange asymmetrical one-shoulder look; very strong, very chic, and not at all absurd. But the orange-and-brown florals were immediately forgettable and the pewter-metallic suits are something we've all seen before.

I found myself wondering in all seriousness whether I've ever, in my life, ever seen someone actually wear swimsuits like this - even in celebrity magazines. Where does one even go to buy a suit like this? And why would anyone want to wear a turtleneck in swimsuit weather?

By far the funniest suits of the evening were the chopstick suits; sleek black suits which would have been brilliant on their own, but had yellow chopsticks awkwardly stuck in places that would make sitting or lying down extremely painful. These were followed by a disastrous streak of Vegas-y sequined peach floral monstrosities. The final Greek-ish-themed grouping included on especially memorable cream-colored off-the-shoulder ruched cutout suit featuring a series of rhinestones trailing from clavicle to crotch. If Dynasty (or any Long Island McMansion) were a swimsuit, it would be this.

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