Posted: 3:49 am
August 27, 2008
IT'S Labor Day week - officially the worst time to eat in New York restaurants, with every able-bodied chef, manager and waiter off to Vermont or the Alps.
But think of Tuesday, Sept. 2, as the start of a new era. Major openings are planned and kitchens are gearing up for the autumn rush. With this in mind, here's a handy guide to things we'd like owners and chefs to annihilate upon their return:
1. "CONSULTING" AND OTHER BREEDS OF WANDERING CHEFS.
Savvy diners know it's a joke; the question is why owners don't. They continue paying kitchen-hopping characters like Zak Pelaccio and Todd English to give their eateries an aura of importance (and waste more money on publicists to persuade dumb reporters that the chef de cuisine in question actually has much to do with a place). Of course, it rarely works. English Is Italian closed. Chop Suey, where Pelaccio was fleetingly involved at the outset, has deteriorated into a mostly empty hotel venue. Saddest of all was Marcus Samuelsson's floperoo at Merkato 55, where he spent little time despite being called its "chef." Just days after the Times ran an interview with him, he was ousted by Merkato's owners, who turned it into a club. Samuelsson, the real (and truly great) executive chef of Aquavit, deserved better, even if he made a mistake. Diners deserve better, too.
2. SUSHI IN NON-JAPANESE RESTAURANTS.
It's bad enough that much of the "fresh" raw fish consumed in Japanese joints is flavorless after a six-month deep freeze. It's worse that the stuff now turns up in all kinds of restaurants where they don't know how to buy, cut or serve it.
Unless the name is Le Bernardin or Esca, I don't want "crudo." We go to Craft and Cru for American food, Scarpetta and Convivio for Italian and Anthos for modern Greek - not for raw fish. And I really don't want it at Hi-Life, which should stick with burgers and booze.
3. MENUS ENTIRELY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.
The curse of long-ago French joints now rears it snooty head in allegedly friendly Italian ones. Like at Peasant. Excuse me for stumbling over quaglie farcite. What's the big idea, paesanos?
4. FORGETTABLE FADS.
Ceviches acidic enough to kill ants; raspberry vinaigrette on salads; verbena and lavender on anything; and marvelous Anson Mills grits which, alas, nobody in town knows how to cook.
5. RUBBER OCTOPUS.
