February 26, 2007
HOLLYWOOD - Forget Best Director, the best line was Leo DiCaprio's. To Martin Scorsese, up for "The De parted" after years of snubs, Leo said: "Well, we broke your cherry."
With half the players unfamiliar, Oscar's main excitement was the schmattas. For his freebee loaners, Armani imported 19 fitters and basters.
He didn't bother with Ellen DeGeneres, who razzberry'd every gown offered with its flares and flounces, peplums and pleats, ruffles and ruches. Emcee Ellen only does pants while nominee Eddie Murphy often wears dresses. What is it with this Oscarcast?
All designers and colors were represented. Rachel Weisz in Vera Wang. Silver. Penelope Cruz in Versace. Beige. Cate Blanchett in Armani. Bronze. Cameron Diaz in Valentino. White. Jessica Biel in Oscar de la Renta. Plum.
Nicole wore red, J.Lo gray, Jodie Foster light blue, Maggie Gyllenhaal dark blue. Anika Noni Rose sequins. The front semi-refined. The back hacked smack to the crack. Almost to the corns in her spike sandals. New are one-shouldered jobs, so low-cut on everyone that breathing was on alternate sides of the street. Cameron Diaz kept smoothing her tummy.
The night was freezing. These ladies in spaghetti-strap jobs were shivering. Ellen's whatever-her-name-is girlfriend in heather-colored Zac Posen had goosebumps larger than her boobs. Speaking of boobs, Helen McCormick, who played Mrs. Tony Blair in "The Queen," was so exposed you couldn't have put them back with tongs. Did she use double-sided tape? "No. They're not going anywhere. I'm breastfeeding."
And the escorts. Rinko Kikuchi, Supporting Actress nominee for "Babel," brought her interpreter: "She is learning English." I nodded, she nodded, everybody nodded. "She is wearing Chanel. She goes to Paris because Karl Lagerfeld is her friend." She bowed, I bowed, we all bowed.
In halting English, Adriana Barraza, supporting nominee for "Babel" - "For Hispanic honor I wear Pineda Covalin, who designs anthropologic pictures of Mexico on silk. To fit this a doctor in Argentina gave pills and 1,000 calorie diet. I fast walk every day and I weighed every vegetables and meat and I lose."
"Pan's Labyrinth" director Guillermo del Toro sported Armani: "First custom suit I ever had." Get it free? "No. I paid. Fat foreign filmmaker nominees with Spanish-language movies get no perks."
