DEAR POST MAN

February 25, 2007 -- Dear Post Man:

I just got out of a long relationship with a very special person. It was great but I am ready to move on and find my soul mate, and that's not an easy task in NYC! Do you believe in soul mates? I would love to have some fun, go to bars and meet new guys, but I am afraid that's not the right way to attract him. How do we attract soul mates? And if we flirt a bit here and there, do you think that I will mess up the process?

I think you are putting an awful amount of pressure on yourself to obtain something that carries with it so many mystical connotations. By definition, a soul mate is a destined connection, a fated relationship. One can’t “do” anything to find it -- it finds us. When something is pre-destined, there is nothing that you can do to change the outcome. Going to bars, flirting with the security guard at your office, sleeping with the lower half of Manhattan, these are the things we do occupy the time until that fateful moment. You won’t forfeit the moment.

I assume that a soul mate is going to share your interests. So you should increase your odds of meeting your soul mate by doing things that interest you! If that means going out to bars then do it. If it means joining a city league soccer team, then do that. Stopping yourself from activities that you find pleasing is only going to decrease your chances at finding someone who enjoys the same things you do.

As for whether there is one soul mate out there for everyone: How should I know? I mean, I'm Post Man not some divine voice booming from the heavens (though many seem to confuse the two). A healthy dose of optimism helps. And I do know that the single years must be taken advantage of, because once they are gone, you hope they are gone for good.

Have a dating dilemma? Ask the Post Man! E-mail your questions to postman@nypost.com

Keep Reading: Post Man Archive