'Idol' Takes A Cold Shower

I know that shows like "American Idol" are often referred to as roller coasters, but I thought that was supposed to refer to the exhilarating ride they took us on. Not the lack of consistency in terms of highs and lows. One week everyone is amazing, the next week everyone sucks, rinse and repeat.

Last night was unfortunately a big dip in terms of performances across the board -- save for one. So while the rest of the show was like an ice cold shower -- annoying, unpleasant and rather painful -- I needed to be hosed down after Kris Allen's star-worthy moment!

Last week: 3

The week's only improved performer was Kris with his brilliant rendition of "Ain't No Sunshine." He attempted to have "a moment" and boy did he. It was inventive and original, which is quite an accomplishment since that song has been covered by every artist under the sun.

So while everyone else was either plateauing or plummeting, Kris outperformed even himself while continuing to surprise America with bold performances that always ring true.

Last week: 2

This was my least favorite performance of Adam's throughout the competition -- including week two's controversial "Ring of Fire." Having said that, "Play That Funky Music" was still a fantastically energetic song that would fit right at home on my iPod's workout mix.

Adam's biggest problem in this competition -- if you could even call it that -- is that since he sets the bar so high for himself, when he simply does an adequate job, it is noticeably underwhelming.

Last week: 1

Look, the clothes were horrendous -- especially the headpiece which kept making me think of the scene in the "Sex and the City" movie where Carrie talked about wearing a bird on her head? "Is that what that was?"

But did it deserve to be the only thing the judges mentioned? Definitely not. The first 30 seconds of her rendition of "Don't Speak" were inspired. After that, less so. But for that half minute alone, she deserves the bronze.

Last week: 5

I don't know what it is, but I'm souring on Danny a little bit. Throughout the audition process I preached his name like gospel, then, I dunno -- he rested on his laurels. And then he rested some more. And then I fell asleep.

Last night, he certainly didn't wake me up with "What Hurts the Most," but since the judges were back on the Gokey-express, and the song not-so-subtly called to mind his dead wife (have you heard, he's a widower), I'm sure the votes will come pouring in.

Last week: 8

Is it strange to tell a blind singer you like his new look? Does Scott have any idea what the stylists are doing to him, or is he just going with the flow? Not that it matters, but I'm curious.

I liked the hair very much -- substantially less Napoleon Dynamite -- but the voice is still terrible. Scott is moving up three slots is solely because everyone else was horrendous.

Last week: 6

From the second I heard Lil was singing "I Surrender" I thought, "wrong song." Then her whole clip package was devoted to the hours she spent deciding what to sing. I hoped that Lil would add her own flavor to the track. She didn't.

Not only did Lil drop the ball again, but contrary to the judges, I thought she sounded abysmal. Honestly, I'm shocked any of them enjoyed the shrill sounds coming out of her mouth. Lil's rapidly running out of good will. And I'm sorry to say, she should cry. It was that bad.

Last week: 9

I was surprised to hear the judges say "Turn Your Lights Down Low" was the wrong song for Megan. I thought it perfectly captured the retro soul vibe she's got going on. The bigger problem, to me, was that she sounded flat.

In either case, if Megan didn't even land in the bottom three following last week's truly frightening performance, so she won't be headed home this week.

Last week: 7

This is a tough call for me -- deciding between which two singers should be in slots 8 and 9. Did I like Anoop's version of "Caught Up"? No. He made a high energy song so mellow with his delivery, which surprised me, because he was such a ball of fun in the semifinals.

Then he kinda came off like a pissy little bitch when the judges critiqued him. But he's got enough fans -- I know, I used to be one -- who love him unwaveringly to keep him alive for one more week, I think.

Last week: 4

No placement has pained me more than listing Matt last. I was shocked to find him in the bottom three last week following that unbelievable performance of "Let's Get It On." But if he got so few votes with an amazing song, I can't imagine he's going to get many more with a terrible one.

To be fair, "You Found Me" is not a bad song. It's just sooo not what he should be singing. The judges were right to say that he's making it difficult to nail down the kind of album he'd put out, making it impossible for fans to root for him. Do I want Matt to be cut? Not at all. This week, I'm letting my head -- not my heart -- do the choosing.

Who was your favorite and who will be packing their bags?

Photo: Fox