Shop along the high-end via Monte Napoleone.

Start off at the Duomo. Third largest cathedral in the world – it's only bested by that pesky St Peter's down south and another dome in Seville – Milan's late Gothic masterpiece is a must-see even for confirmed atheists; the mashed up exterior's a riot, with its thousands of statues (hop the elevator to the roof for some killer views on clear days, even as far as the snow-capped Alps, for just 6 euros – you'll only save 2 euros if you opt to hike up the stairs).

This piazza's the hub from which the spokes of the city radiate, so it's easy to reach any sights from here: Make sure to stroll north down the flashy domed gallery Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, named after yet another one of Italy's short-lived modern kings, to check out the cafes and boutiques both of which boast prices only the wealthiest should bother paying. At the end of this, pause to gawk at another of Milan's cultural bastions, the trill-heavy opera hotspot La Scala (teatroallascala.org). The neoclassical exterior is oddly low-key, given its tony position at the center of Milan's social scene. Don't bother trying to snag a ticket for a performance, though: it's strictly an expensive, trawl-through-EBay task.

Tickets are tricky but not impossible for Milan's major artistic landmark and Dan Brown's favorite money-spinning Renaissance masterwork: Leonardo da Vinci's Last Supper, tucked inside the Chiesa di Santa Maria delle Grazie on Corso Magenta (cenacolovinciano.it). To be safe, book at least a month in advance (8 euros including obligatory 1,50 euros booking fee) though a good hotel concierge might be able to snag some last-minute cancellations (tip him handsomely if he does). Visits are time- and temperature-controlled, and at first, the process feels more like airport security than artistic scrutiny. Persevere, though, as the painting's a fragile, beautiful sight. Leonardo experimented with oil paints instead of traditional plaster-and-pigment fresco techniques, which means the entire image is under constant threat of decay; though a painstaking two decade restoration in recent years has returned a little of its luster and somewhat stabilized the pigments. Only Tom Hanks knows whether that's really a woman or one of Leonardo's trademark she-males.

After pondering the mysteries of the Code, save time for shopping – there are flagship branches of every Italian luxury label, from Armani to Versace, within walking distance of the center. Best browsing strips are via della Spiga and via Monte Napoleone as well as via San Andrea, the drag that connects the two. Hometown girl-made-good Miuccia Prada transformed her family's leather goods store, an almost century-old spot in Milan, into the globe-spanning, ballistic nylon-touting fashion force it is today.

Bice

This classic power-lunching spot – a fave with the fashion crowd for its location so close to via Montenapoleone – has been churning out classic Tuscan food since 1926 and is a major step up from its New York clone. The hushed, powered-up vibe's partly down to the décor – interconnected rooms great for gossiping, stained glass windows to keep commoners at bay – and partly down to its classic menu heavy on risotto and Florentine staples like tripe (don't plan to linger, though, as the chairs are known for being butt-crushingly uncomfy) And yes that permatanned woman with the iron straight bleach-blonde hair really is her: Donatella's a regular since the Versace offices are just a stiletto's teeter away -- she always chows down on her favorite spaghetti alle vongole with clams (via Borgospesso 12, +30 -2 7600 2572 bicemilano.it).

Dolce & Gabbana Gold

A brand-new and sceney spot notable for design duo Domenico and Stefano's typical, ahem, ahem, understated aesthetic. Don't be put off: This is currently the place to impress your office buddies and network with the fashion elite. Gold is, unsurprisingly, an all-gilt affair made up of several separate spaces: There's a coffee room, cocktail lounge, casual bar/bistro downstairs and a swankier hideaway for white tablecloth-loving VIPs upstairs. Make sure to use the bathrooms, too. Equally all-gold, there are plasma screen TVs in each stall looping through – yes, really – Goldfinger (via Carlo Poerio 2 +39 02 7577 771, dolcegabbanagold.it).

Enjoy the swanky hotel rooms at The Gray.

The Gray

The best way to deal with Milan's attitude is to just let go and indulge it. And while the city's now Italy's international luxury hotel brand capital, with all the comforts you'd expect (and at prices that have to be seen to be believed), its possible to choose a more interesting address and get work done at the same time. At the ultra-chic Gray, interiors are by Gucci interiors-meister Guido Ciompi. There are quirky common areas (lean gently on the egg-shaped check-in desk) and rooms, which have wacky touches like beds which dangle from the ceiling by wires, plus bubbly hydro-tubs and flatscreen TVs. Save time to grab a cocktail with the fashion pack at GBar downstairs. Cozy it ain't -- memorable, most certainly (from 255 euros, via San Raffaele 6 +39 02 866526, hotelthegray.com).

Park Hyatt Milano

Juts four years old, the jazzy Park Hyatt's one of Milan's best luxe spots. It sits in a onetime 19th century office building that was made over by American interiors pasha Ed Tuttle, best known for creating Amanresorts' distinctive style -- and now, increasingly, that of the Park Hyatt chain. This marble-heavy project, all Travertine with black inlay, has a whiff of art deco, Mussolini-era Italy, with its clean, almost stark lines; thick drapes and lashings of wood and velvet soften the vibe of the huge rooms, with their giant beds, walk-in showers, coffin tubs and dressing nooks (from $750, Via Tommaso Grossi 1, , +39 02 8821 1234, milan.park.hyatt.com).

Flights

Milan has two airports – one, Malpensa (sea-aeroportimilano.it), 28 miles northwest of the city, is the main intercontinental hub for flights for American flights; the other, handily located Linate (sea-aeroportimilano.it), just 6 miles from the center, largely deals with intra-Europe flights. Whichever airport you arrive at, expect a surprisingly smooth and efficient transition (this is northern Italy, after all). The plumed and peacocky customs and immigration staffers will usually whisk you quickly past with barely a glance.

Ground Transportation

From Linate, it's smartest to take a cab into town – it should take no more than 15 minutes outside rush hour, and cost less than 20 euros. Malpensa's pricier, obviously – budget at least 100 euros for a cab – and it's usually just as quick to hop the Malpensa Express (malpensaexpress.it), a 40-minute high-speed train to the city center, arriving at Milano Nord station. Buy tickets before you board (11 euros on way, 14.50 euros round trip) and remember to validate them using the on-platform machines – even if the rest of the passengers look at you askance, it's rarely worth the risk of an officious ticket collector's fine.

Getting round the city's fastest and smartest by metro. There are four lines: M1(red), M2 (green), M3 (yellow) and the Passante (blue), plus an extensive, interconnected network of buses and trams that run on the same ticket – ask your hotel for a map of them all. Buy a ticket, or biglietto (say it bill-yet-to) in advance – look for any store displaying the T sign for tabacchaio or tobacconists; some bars also sell them. Each costs 1 euro and is valid for 75 minutes, with unlimited bus rides and one metro jaunt included. Again, make sure to feed it to the gravel-throated validation machine before boarding. Italian taxis don't meander through the streets waiting to be flagged down. Instead, you'll need to find a rank where the drivers usually chat in huddled masses until a potential passenger interrupts (there's one on Piazza Duomo and at Stazion Centrale) or, better, duck into a high-class hotel and ask the doorman's help.

Local Lingo

It may be a hard impulse to fight, but remember that Italians don't say please. In fact, tacking per favore onto the end of every request makes you sound as foreign as possible. Just say grazie or thanks when the waiter brings that espresso; he'll nod and say prego or don't mention it. And if you are stuck in that sharp-suited commuter crowd on the sidewalk, don't say scusi to get past; that means "excuse me..." in the "for-breaking-your-leg/heart" sense. Instead, to slip past someone, say permeso (permit me). You'll be understood.